"Happy Mind, Happy Life."

Blog #7

Conclusion paragraph before ^

Conclusion paragraph after ^

Intro paragraph before ^

Intro paragraph after ^

I made a few changes to my composition. I chose to focus on perfecting my introductory paragraph and my conclusion, since these paragraphs need to be strong in order to hook the reader and leave the reader with something to think about. When editing my first paragraph, I started by reviewing the edits that my peers made for me. The only suggestion I received was that putting quotations around some of the words in the paragraph allowed for the essay to have an unintentional sarcastic feel. So, I deleted the quotations on those words. Next, I read the paragraph out loud and noticed where some words did not sound right. I reworded my opening sentence a little and also reworded a little bit of my thesis and last sentence of the paragraph. I believe that these changes did affect my composition overall because they worked to strengthen my introduction paragraph, something that serves as a model for the following paragraphs.

Similarly, I made a few changes to my conclusion paragraph. I started by, once again, removing the quotations around certain words so that I could make my tone less sarcastic. Next, I reread this paragraph out loud and changed some of the wording. I did this by adding a little more detail within these sentences. I also received a suggestion from a peer that my conclusion was too short, so, I added in a few more sentences to explain my point of view and relate it back to my thesis. I really worked to summarize my main points in order for this paragraph to have an impact on readers, since that is the purpose of the conclusion. I believe these changes had an effect on my overall composition by expanding my conclusion through adding new ideas and perfecting some mistakes. It also created a stronger message to get readers thinking.

1 Comment

  1. elishaemerson

    It’s difficult to read your paragraphs. Would you mind posting larger images in the future? My eyes are too old! 🙂

    It sounds like you are making beneficial changes. I recall our discussion after class and how you felt compelled to include all those definitions. I’m curious how this will influence your future revisions.

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